Nobody remembers who won second place. They remember the winners and sometimes even the greatest of losers, but second place is like a nice day in August. It simply gets lost in the mix of all the other nice days in the middle of summer.
I was a good speller in school. In 4th grade they had a big day of contests for all of the 4th graders. We had all kinds of contests. Every contest gave away ribbons for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place. I took second place in the spelling bee and it happens that was the only contest that only gave away a first place ribbon.
I have always been athletic. I played baseball in school. I don't remember ever striking out and my brother who went to all of my games says the same thing. But I never had the power to hit one out, never had more than an average arm and I was thin as a twig. After high school I used to go to batting cages and was switch hitting 99mph pitching. But I was just never good enough that I could make it anywhere as a ball player.
In school my friend and I used to have our own personal competition to see who could get the most drawings in the art show. One year he won and the next year I did. I was always good with a pencil in my hands. I could draw, paint or sculpt. Compare me to most artistic people and I am better. Compare me to the artists who make something of themselves? I don't make the grade.
It seems that every step of the way in my life, I have always been above average but not good enough to get anywhere. It has even turned out that way in engineering. I'm a good engineer. Anything they place in front of me, I can get done. My drawings will come back from the checkers with less mistakes than most of the others. My problem? I have never been quick. So when it comes to lay-offs, they never want to get rid of me, but in the end they do, for no other reason than I take too long on jobs.
I am working right now and putting in good hours every week. Our bills are being paid and we have insurance. In this day of the crumbling economy, that is a good thing. The problem is, it just isn't good enough anymore.I am tired of just getting by. Just paying the bills and surviving until the next time I get laid-off. That is just not good enough anymore! So now my dream for the last nine years has become more. It has morphed into a desire. A need!
Since 2002 I have been writing novels. It is a love I did not realize I had until that day at work I decided to start spending my lunches writing a Fantasy novel. The characters came to life for me. The realm of fantasy allowed me to do something that I have never been able to do in my life. Let my imagination run wild!
I have written a few full length novels now and have several others partially finished. My latest, 'Hell in a Storm', is the first one that I feel is truly good enough to be published. I have had some compliments on 'Mazwar', a novel I put in a blog, but I will admit that I was not ready yet when I wrote that one. I believe I am ready now. For the first time in my life I believe I can do something that I can succeed in.
Then there comes the problem. Writing a book is one thing. Writing a book very well is yet another thing. Getting an agent to read it? That is another story all together. I will admit, I am afraid that I am good enough to be an author now, and will never see my books published simply because I couldn't get an agent to even read it.
I pray about it and every time I do, a particular agent's name pops in my head. He is one of four agents I have sent my query letter to so far. I cannot even describe how badly I want one of them to ask for the book so they can read it. If that one particular agent is the one to ask for it, I will fully believe God has a hand in it. I am so afraid he will send a rejection letter as will all of the others and I will end up putting this book in my blog like the last one.
So far two of the agents have already sent rejections. I don't mind admitting that the second one crushed me when I read it. It was polite, and very nicely done, but that didn't matter. I was one more step to failing and I just don't want to think about having to write another novel before I even have a chance to make something of myself. A dozen times a day I think about it. A dozen times a day I pray. I cannot sleep many nights for my mind is caught up in dreaming about it.
I do not dream of being famous. I do not dream of getting rich. I fantasize about seeing my pen name on the cover of a book on the shelf and making enough money as an author that my wife no longer has to work. That I can help my parents out more than I do now. More than anything though, I dream of knowing I have done something that very few succeed in doing. Knowing I was not in second place this time.
I know that dream will someday be realized. I just hope it can be realized sooner rather than later.
My Opinions
Oct 17, 2011
May 28, 2011
God Can Change Your Future
It is about survival. The most basic instinct found in any living thing. Even those who commit suicide have it. If someone is driving in their car and they decide to run it into a tree and end it. They may even truly be ready and willing to go through with it, but if at that very moment, another car swerves into their lane, they will swerve to avoid it. Because it is a natural instinct to survive and a very unnatural one to not want to survive.
Yet today seems to be an era of survival. With so many people out of work, they are taken down to the basic desire to survive. With the tornadoes ripping through different states, destroying homes and families, the survivors are brought down to that basic desire to simply survive. It is a natural instinct to survive and so many these days are forced to face it in ways they should not have to.
When I was out of work, it was my only desire at the time. We were facing losing our apartment, our car and in all honesty, our faith was at an end. I marked a date on the calender, that if I did not get a decent job by that Monday, we were done. I just could not see us coming out of it after that. We would be kicked out of the apartment, lose our car and the end quite frankly was at hand. I prayed. My wife was praying. My Mother was praying. God only knows how many others were praying. If anyone who read my posts on my troubles were praying, I thank them and I hope God blesses you for it.
That Thursday, before the day I marked on my calender, I woke up as usual, with a feeling of hopelessness. I laid there in bed trying to figure out what I could do. Even having thoughts of turning to robbery, though those thoughts were only entertained halfheartedly. Then I suddenly began to feel happier. I did not have any reason to feel better, but I just wasn't feeling so full of despair. So I got up and got on the computer to do the usual of looking for jobs. As always, I opened the e-mail and as usual there was nothing. No replies to job submissions or anything. I was about to move on to the different job sites and I happened to notice something. My junk mail had over 90 items in it. So I decided to clean that out.
As always, when I clean out the junk folder, I click on the "check all" box, I scan over the page quickly for possible job offers that slipped through, then hit the delete button. This time however, when I scanned the page, I saw a name that triggered a memory. It was a name of someone I worked with once, but didn't know well at all. I did not even know if the spelling was right. The subject? "Possible Opportunity". Now in all honesty, that subject sounded like many other junk mails I get almost every day. You know the ones, where they say you can earn 5 million euros? Not to mention that I had seen the "For Lease" sign in front of the building of the Company I knew him at. I had heard the company had gone under. So I moved the cursor to the delete button and stopped. Again, I hesitated to delete it because the name was familiar. The thought came to me that it hurts nothing to just open it and see before I delete it. So instead of deleting the junk mail, I went back down and opened that e-mail with the familiar name.
It was the guy who I once worked with. He was no longer an engineer at the company, but was now one of the top bosses. The company had been bought out and he was promoted to run it. They were in need of engineers and someone who still worked there mentioned my name. Talking to others, they gave me a glowing reference from when they worked with me before. He basically hired me over the phone. When I went in for the informal interview, to get paperwork and stuff, I was expecting to take another big pay cut. I was completely floored when he gave me my old wage back.
On the day I had marked on the calender, when I absolutely needed to start working by if I wanted hope to save our apartment and car, I started my new job.
Since that day, I have been on overtime more than I have been on 40 hours. As I write this article, it is my first day off in over a month, other than one day when I called in sick. Including Sundays!
The leader who was training me in something new has since left to another company. As sorry as I was to see him go, he was definitely the best in the business at his job, it also secured my position, making me one of the more knowledgeable in the company in this area.
This time around in the company, my fourth in all, is a completely different experience. I am no longer just another guy who comes to work and does his job. All of the leaders know me better than in the past, joke with me and have even given me a nick-name. One that is actually uplifting and not degrading. At times I have had different leaders even acting like they are glad I am finished with one job so I can switch over and work with them.
This is not to say that things cannot change yet again. Tomorrow I could easily find myself without a job again. One NEVER knows what the future holds.Not even minutes before it happens. In fact, this article is to point out just that! Nobody knows what the future holds! Good or bad! No matter how destitute things may look. No matter how deep in trouble you may be, God can save you! If it is his will, he can save you from ANYTHING! Today you may be feeling like there is no hope. Today you may think your world is ending. Tomorrow can be a completely different story.
I thought I was done. I truly thought we would be out of our apartment and I even thought my marriage would be over. Today I am working for a company I thought had gone under at one time and am doing better than I ever have before. When it is Gods will, nothing to much for him to handle.
Yet today seems to be an era of survival. With so many people out of work, they are taken down to the basic desire to survive. With the tornadoes ripping through different states, destroying homes and families, the survivors are brought down to that basic desire to simply survive. It is a natural instinct to survive and so many these days are forced to face it in ways they should not have to.
When I was out of work, it was my only desire at the time. We were facing losing our apartment, our car and in all honesty, our faith was at an end. I marked a date on the calender, that if I did not get a decent job by that Monday, we were done. I just could not see us coming out of it after that. We would be kicked out of the apartment, lose our car and the end quite frankly was at hand. I prayed. My wife was praying. My Mother was praying. God only knows how many others were praying. If anyone who read my posts on my troubles were praying, I thank them and I hope God blesses you for it.
That Thursday, before the day I marked on my calender, I woke up as usual, with a feeling of hopelessness. I laid there in bed trying to figure out what I could do. Even having thoughts of turning to robbery, though those thoughts were only entertained halfheartedly. Then I suddenly began to feel happier. I did not have any reason to feel better, but I just wasn't feeling so full of despair. So I got up and got on the computer to do the usual of looking for jobs. As always, I opened the e-mail and as usual there was nothing. No replies to job submissions or anything. I was about to move on to the different job sites and I happened to notice something. My junk mail had over 90 items in it. So I decided to clean that out.
As always, when I clean out the junk folder, I click on the "check all" box, I scan over the page quickly for possible job offers that slipped through, then hit the delete button. This time however, when I scanned the page, I saw a name that triggered a memory. It was a name of someone I worked with once, but didn't know well at all. I did not even know if the spelling was right. The subject? "Possible Opportunity". Now in all honesty, that subject sounded like many other junk mails I get almost every day. You know the ones, where they say you can earn 5 million euros? Not to mention that I had seen the "For Lease" sign in front of the building of the Company I knew him at. I had heard the company had gone under. So I moved the cursor to the delete button and stopped. Again, I hesitated to delete it because the name was familiar. The thought came to me that it hurts nothing to just open it and see before I delete it. So instead of deleting the junk mail, I went back down and opened that e-mail with the familiar name.
It was the guy who I once worked with. He was no longer an engineer at the company, but was now one of the top bosses. The company had been bought out and he was promoted to run it. They were in need of engineers and someone who still worked there mentioned my name. Talking to others, they gave me a glowing reference from when they worked with me before. He basically hired me over the phone. When I went in for the informal interview, to get paperwork and stuff, I was expecting to take another big pay cut. I was completely floored when he gave me my old wage back.
On the day I had marked on the calender, when I absolutely needed to start working by if I wanted hope to save our apartment and car, I started my new job.
Since that day, I have been on overtime more than I have been on 40 hours. As I write this article, it is my first day off in over a month, other than one day when I called in sick. Including Sundays!
The leader who was training me in something new has since left to another company. As sorry as I was to see him go, he was definitely the best in the business at his job, it also secured my position, making me one of the more knowledgeable in the company in this area.
This time around in the company, my fourth in all, is a completely different experience. I am no longer just another guy who comes to work and does his job. All of the leaders know me better than in the past, joke with me and have even given me a nick-name. One that is actually uplifting and not degrading. At times I have had different leaders even acting like they are glad I am finished with one job so I can switch over and work with them.
This is not to say that things cannot change yet again. Tomorrow I could easily find myself without a job again. One NEVER knows what the future holds.Not even minutes before it happens. In fact, this article is to point out just that! Nobody knows what the future holds! Good or bad! No matter how destitute things may look. No matter how deep in trouble you may be, God can save you! If it is his will, he can save you from ANYTHING! Today you may be feeling like there is no hope. Today you may think your world is ending. Tomorrow can be a completely different story.
I thought I was done. I truly thought we would be out of our apartment and I even thought my marriage would be over. Today I am working for a company I thought had gone under at one time and am doing better than I ever have before. When it is Gods will, nothing to much for him to handle.
Aug 19, 2010
Ghosts or Demons?
So many people claim to believe in God and Jesus. So many will call themselves Christians. Then when it comes to ghosts, they so often tend to throw their Christian beliefs out the window and trust in the worlds way of thinking instead.
Here is a true story of a house that some people I know live in. When they bought this house, the woman who sold it said her husband died in a hunting accident. Their fist night in the house, the wife turned to her husband while laying in bed and said that the man didn't die in a hunting accident. He killed himself in that very room. Of course the husband blew it off as her fearful fancies like all men would do. Well it turns out that the man did in fact shoot himself with a rifle in the bedroom while he was on the phone with his mother.
While in this house, both the man and the woman have seen a black mass move about in the bedroom at night. The woman and her son have heard a man laughing in another room when they were the only ones home. Once, the son's keys disappeared from his night stand next to his bed in the middle of the night. They found them the next evening after searching the entire house. They found the keys in a tied garbage bag up in the attic. The only reason they ever looked up there was because the woman thought she heard something like keys above her bedroom that night they disappeared.
Once, they came home from being out for the evening to find the light blinking on their answering machine. (Yes they use the old answering machines). When she hit the button to listen to the message, they heard a phone ringing and then her mother in another state answer the phone. After saying "Hello" several times, she finally hung up. .... 1) It is weird that their phone called her mother when nobody was home. 2) Even if it did do that, there was no reason it would have recorded it. The only way to record an outgoing call is to hit the record button after the call is made. 3) If someone did do that, the machine would not have read it as an incoming call that left a message.
These are only a few of the strange things that have happened in this house. So the question is, is this the ghost of the man who killed himself or demonic activity?
Now if you do not believe in God, or you are not a Christian, then it is understandable for you to believe it could be the ghost of the man who died in the house. But if you call yourself a Christian, then you should not even consider that as the answer.
The Bible says that when we die, we go to Heaven or Hell. It never says that we can get stuck here on Earth, walking around in the spirit world haunting houses. Our souls do not need to take care of unfinished business before they can go to Heaven or Hell. According to the Bible, if you have your heart right with Jesus and God when you die, you will go to Heaven. If you are not right with God, then you will go to Hell. No ands, ifs, or buts!
There is definitely a spirit world here among us, but it is not one our souls live in after we die. It is a world of Demons and Angels. Which is a funny thing because it seems there are so many people who believe in God and Jesus but don't want to accept there really is a Satan. Then there are a lot of people who do believe Satan is real but don't truly want to accept that there are Angels and Demons. But if you want to go to Heaven, then you have to believe in God's Word. His Word says that we go to Heaven or Hell. Not roam around the Earth. God's Word says that there really are Angels and there really are Demons.
Consider this. Even those who do not want to live, will try to save themselves when facing death if they are not ready for it. No matter how suicidal someone is, if they accidentally fall off a boat and don't know how to swim, they wont just let themselves sink and drown. They will struggle to live. It is a survival instinct that dwells within each of us. We can take our own lives if we are depressed enough, but our basic instinct is to survive. I believe that the only way we overcome that survival instinct is if we are oppressed by a demonic presence. I believe that EVERY suicide is backed by Demonic Oppression. Without the evil spirit constantly causing one to feel overly depressed, we could not overcome our instinct to survive.
So I believe that there was a demonic presence already in that house. It was this spirit that drove the man to kill himself. Then once the man is gone, this spirit starts pretending to be the ghost of that man. It will take the form of a black mass, sometimes in the figure of a man in the bedroom he died in. It will make the sound of a man laughing. It will call their mother on the phone because the man was supposedly on the phone with his mother when he killed himself. This demonic spirit's main objective now is to make the people believe that it is the spirit of the man who died there.
You wonder why it would do that? Because the Bible says that when we die, we go to Heaven or Hell. If it makes us believe that the ghost of the man is stuck here on Earth, then that means what the Bible says must be wrong. If the Bible is wrong, then Christianity is not the truth. The more people this spirit gets to believe that it is the ghost of the man who died, the more people it pulls away from believing in God's word! Thus, Satan wins!
When people go to psychics and they speak to dead relatives? They are not speaking to the ghost of that relative. They are speaking to what is called a Familiar Spirit! A spirit that was around that person for his or her entire life. It knows absolutely everything about that person. The truth is, however many secrets you think you have, you cannot keep a secret from the spirit world! The Demons as well as the Angels amongst us, they see everything you do. They hear everything you say. They hear everything anyone ever says to you. So this psychic gets in touch with their Spirit guide (which is a demonic spirit itself) and then get in touch with the spirit of the deceased (which is a familiar spirit), and guess what? They know your most intimate secrets that only the deceased would know. Then the more we turn to Psychics (which God says is wrong for us to do), the more we turn away from God's Word! Once again, Satan wins!
When people talk about the eerie things that happened to them with ghosts and psychics and such, I don't ever feel an awe for what I hear. I feel a sadness. For I know the more people who believe in these things, the more people who do not believe in God's Word. Which is the more people who will end up in Hell rather than Heaven in the end. That is nothing but sad to me.
Here is a true story of a house that some people I know live in. When they bought this house, the woman who sold it said her husband died in a hunting accident. Their fist night in the house, the wife turned to her husband while laying in bed and said that the man didn't die in a hunting accident. He killed himself in that very room. Of course the husband blew it off as her fearful fancies like all men would do. Well it turns out that the man did in fact shoot himself with a rifle in the bedroom while he was on the phone with his mother.
While in this house, both the man and the woman have seen a black mass move about in the bedroom at night. The woman and her son have heard a man laughing in another room when they were the only ones home. Once, the son's keys disappeared from his night stand next to his bed in the middle of the night. They found them the next evening after searching the entire house. They found the keys in a tied garbage bag up in the attic. The only reason they ever looked up there was because the woman thought she heard something like keys above her bedroom that night they disappeared.
Once, they came home from being out for the evening to find the light blinking on their answering machine. (Yes they use the old answering machines). When she hit the button to listen to the message, they heard a phone ringing and then her mother in another state answer the phone. After saying "Hello" several times, she finally hung up. .... 1) It is weird that their phone called her mother when nobody was home. 2) Even if it did do that, there was no reason it would have recorded it. The only way to record an outgoing call is to hit the record button after the call is made. 3) If someone did do that, the machine would not have read it as an incoming call that left a message.
These are only a few of the strange things that have happened in this house. So the question is, is this the ghost of the man who killed himself or demonic activity?
Now if you do not believe in God, or you are not a Christian, then it is understandable for you to believe it could be the ghost of the man who died in the house. But if you call yourself a Christian, then you should not even consider that as the answer.
The Bible says that when we die, we go to Heaven or Hell. It never says that we can get stuck here on Earth, walking around in the spirit world haunting houses. Our souls do not need to take care of unfinished business before they can go to Heaven or Hell. According to the Bible, if you have your heart right with Jesus and God when you die, you will go to Heaven. If you are not right with God, then you will go to Hell. No ands, ifs, or buts!
There is definitely a spirit world here among us, but it is not one our souls live in after we die. It is a world of Demons and Angels. Which is a funny thing because it seems there are so many people who believe in God and Jesus but don't want to accept there really is a Satan. Then there are a lot of people who do believe Satan is real but don't truly want to accept that there are Angels and Demons. But if you want to go to Heaven, then you have to believe in God's Word. His Word says that we go to Heaven or Hell. Not roam around the Earth. God's Word says that there really are Angels and there really are Demons.
Consider this. Even those who do not want to live, will try to save themselves when facing death if they are not ready for it. No matter how suicidal someone is, if they accidentally fall off a boat and don't know how to swim, they wont just let themselves sink and drown. They will struggle to live. It is a survival instinct that dwells within each of us. We can take our own lives if we are depressed enough, but our basic instinct is to survive. I believe that the only way we overcome that survival instinct is if we are oppressed by a demonic presence. I believe that EVERY suicide is backed by Demonic Oppression. Without the evil spirit constantly causing one to feel overly depressed, we could not overcome our instinct to survive.
So I believe that there was a demonic presence already in that house. It was this spirit that drove the man to kill himself. Then once the man is gone, this spirit starts pretending to be the ghost of that man. It will take the form of a black mass, sometimes in the figure of a man in the bedroom he died in. It will make the sound of a man laughing. It will call their mother on the phone because the man was supposedly on the phone with his mother when he killed himself. This demonic spirit's main objective now is to make the people believe that it is the spirit of the man who died there.
You wonder why it would do that? Because the Bible says that when we die, we go to Heaven or Hell. If it makes us believe that the ghost of the man is stuck here on Earth, then that means what the Bible says must be wrong. If the Bible is wrong, then Christianity is not the truth. The more people this spirit gets to believe that it is the ghost of the man who died, the more people it pulls away from believing in God's word! Thus, Satan wins!
When people go to psychics and they speak to dead relatives? They are not speaking to the ghost of that relative. They are speaking to what is called a Familiar Spirit! A spirit that was around that person for his or her entire life. It knows absolutely everything about that person. The truth is, however many secrets you think you have, you cannot keep a secret from the spirit world! The Demons as well as the Angels amongst us, they see everything you do. They hear everything you say. They hear everything anyone ever says to you. So this psychic gets in touch with their Spirit guide (which is a demonic spirit itself) and then get in touch with the spirit of the deceased (which is a familiar spirit), and guess what? They know your most intimate secrets that only the deceased would know. Then the more we turn to Psychics (which God says is wrong for us to do), the more we turn away from God's Word! Once again, Satan wins!
When people talk about the eerie things that happened to them with ghosts and psychics and such, I don't ever feel an awe for what I hear. I feel a sadness. For I know the more people who believe in these things, the more people who do not believe in God's Word. Which is the more people who will end up in Hell rather than Heaven in the end. That is nothing but sad to me.
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